Long Distance Relationship Depression And Its One & Only Remedy
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In human relationships, long-distance love affairs have always played a starring role. From the voyages of Odysseus to the epistolary romances of the 17th century, the narrative of love separated by vast distances is as old as civilization itself. Yet, in the modern era, we find ourselves recoiling from the very idea of a long-distance relationship (LDR), painting it as a breeding ground for loneliness, mistrust, and depression. But is this the whole truth, or merely a distorted reflection of our individualistic society?
Long Distance Relationship Depression
A. Can Long-Distance Relationships Make You Depressed?
A study conducted by Verywell Mind reveals that being in a long-distance relationship was associated with more individual and relationship stress than being in a proximal relationship. The physical, mental, and emotional distance from your partner can lead to a deficiency in the feel-good neurotransmitters or “happy hormones”: dopamine and serotonin. Both of these hormones play a crucial role in our emotional well-being and gut health.
Dopamine, associated with pleasure and rewards, can influence our neurocognitive functioning, and its deficiency is linked to major depressive disorder. Symptoms of dopamine deficiency include inattentiveness, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, difficulty sleeping, forgetfulness, lack of interest in sex, and anxiety.
However, it is essential to question whether these symptoms are inherent to long-distance relationships or are they a reflection of our own insecurities, low self-esteem, or unresolved traumas. Could it be that the silent killer is not the distance itself, but our inability to navigate the emotional landscape of a long-distance relationship?
Let us not forget that LDRs have been a part of human history for centuries. The real challenge, perhaps, is not the distance, but our ability to adapt, to trust, and to maintain a shared vision in the face of physical separation.
B. Long Distance Relationship Depression After Visit
Long Distance Relationship Depression After Visit
The departure lounge of an airport, the empty side of the bed, the silence after the end of a video call - these are the battles where the cruel grip of post-visit depression takes hold. The joy of a visit, the shared laughter, the intimate moments, all give way to a profound sense of emptiness that seems to echo through every corner of your life. This is the aftermath of a visit in a long-distance relationship, a period marked by a unique form of depression that few discuss openly.
A guide by Jazz Up Your Wanderlust describes this phenomenon as "post meet-up depression". It is a state of emotional turmoil that follows the departure of a loved one after a visit. The heartache that ensues is not merely a result of physical separation but is amplified by the stark contrast between the joy of togetherness and the sudden return to solitude. The void that was once filled during the visit reopens, often deeper and more painful than before.
C. LDRs In The Past And How We Dealt With Them
We know long-distance relationships are not a modern invention. They have been woven into the fabric of human history, shaped by the socio-cultural contexts of different epochs. In bygone eras, long-distance relationships were molded by societal norms, economic circumstances, and technological progress.
During the Victorian age, for instance, lovers were bound by handwritten letters. These epistles were lifelines, tangible threads that spanned the chasm of physical separation. They were vessels of emotion, longing, and sometimes, secret codes decipherable only by the intended recipient.
As the 20th century dawned, the telephone emerged as hope for those in long-distance relationships. Communication became more immediate, yet the cost of long-distance calls relegated them to special occasions or emergencies. This period also witnessed a surge in LDRs, propelled by the engines of war and economic migration.
Lessons From The Past: Old Strategies, New Contexts
Despite the adversities, our predecessors devised ways to keep their long-distance relationships thriving. They crafted strategies that remain relevant and instructive even today. Here are a few:
LDRs In The Past
1. Shared Purpose
Perhaps the most crucial element that held these relationships together was a shared purpose. Whether it was building a future together, raising a family, or overcoming adversity, this common goal served as the glue that bound them together, despite the miles that lay in between.
2. Patience and Understanding
In an era devoid of instant communication, patience was more than a virtue—it was a necessity. The wait for a response could stretch into days or weeks, fostering an understanding and respect for the constraints of their situation.
3. Expressing Emotions in Writing
Letters were more than mere communication tools; they were a canvas for the soul's deepest emotions. The art of writing heartfelt letters allowed individuals to convey their feelings with a depth and sincerity that transcends time.
4. Value of Time
With communication being a luxury, every moment of conversation or shared experience was treasured. This instilled a profound appreciation for the time spent together, however fleeting.
5. Trust and Commitment
Trust was the bedrock of any long-distance relationship. In the absence of regular physical meetings, couples had to rely on their unwavering commitment to each other.
These lessons from the past are not just historical footnotes; they are guiding lights for our present. While technology has simplified communication, the core principles of patience, understanding, emotional expression, valuing time, trust, commitment, and above all, a shared purpose, remain the bedrock of any long-distance relationship.
D. Overcome LDR Depression Forever With A Shared Purpose
The antidote to long-distance relationship depression lies in the enduring bond of a shared purpose. A shared purpose is your foundational "together" statement, the oath you create together and live by each day. As described by Stan Tatkin in his guide "In Each Other's Care", without a shared purpose between united humans, there is nothing to hold people together over time, particularly during hard times.
Overcome LDR Depression Forever With A Shared Purpose
Consider these examples of shared purpose:
Together we survive and thrive in this life.
Together we stand in all things and against all odds.
Together we share all burdens and all bounties.
Together we lead each other and everyone in our care.
A shared purpose is more than a mere statement; it is a commitment, a promise, a vow. It is the shared dream that you chase together, the shared goal that you strive to achieve. It is the shared vision that aligns your actions, the shared principles that govern your relationship.
This shared purpose is not a panacea for all the challenges of a long-distance relationship. It does not eliminate the pain of separation, the longing for physical intimacy, or the frustration of time zone differences. But it does provide a sense of direction, a sense of meaning, a sense of connection that transcends physical distance.
So, if you find yourself sinking into the depths of long-distance relationship depression, reach out for this lifeline. The strength of your bond after all is not measured by the proximity of your bodies, but by the depth of your shared purpose. And with this shared purpose as your guide, you can overcome LDR depression forever.
E. 5 Ideas For A Shared Vision In LDR To Avoid Depression
The Invisible Man presents a blueprint to crafting a shared vision in your long-distance relationship that is as provocative as it is profound.
5 Shared Visions Of LDR To Avoid Depression
Here are 5 such shared visions to apply in your LDR:
1. My Business Is Your Business
Involve your partner in your business or career. Share your professional goals, challenges, and successes with her. Make her feel a part of your professional journey, not just an observer. This shared purpose can strengthen your bond and provide a common ground for conversation and collaboration.
2. Passion Is Infinitely Divisible
Share your passions with your partner. Whether it's music, art, sports, or any other interest, involve her in your passion. Teach her about it, learn from her perspective, and create a shared space where your passion becomes a bridge that connects your hearts, despite the miles that separate you.
3. The Purpose of Proximity
Make closing the physical distance a shared purpose. Plan together how and when you can live in the same city or even the same house. Discuss the practicalities, the challenges, and the joys of finally being together. This shared purpose can provide a tangible goal to strive for, a beacon of hope to guide you through the stormy seas of separation.
4. The Symphony of Souls
Create a shared spiritual or philosophical vision. Discuss your beliefs, your values, your view of the world. Find common ground, respect differences, and build a shared vision that reflects both your souls. This shared vision can provide a deeper connection, a spiritual bond that transcends physical distance.
5. The Dance of Dreams
Dream together. Share your individual dreams and create shared dreams. Whether it's a dream vacation, a dream home, or a dream life, let your dreams weave a shared narrative that binds you together, despite the physical distance.
F. Conclusion
The Invisible Man can’t help but conclude this subject with the recollection of the 17th-century Aston family of Staffordshire. Their story, as told through a series of letters, reveals a complex web of long-distance relationships, maintained through the art of letter-writing. The family's youngest member, Constance Aston, traversed the 1,200 miles between her family home in Tixall and Madrid, where her beloved elder brother Herbert was on diplomatic ventures for King James I.
Her letters to Herbert are a testament to the emotional richness of their relationship, despite the physical distance. They are filled with news, gossip, and expressions of love, but also with a palpable sense of melancholy. "I can go nowhere, but I miss you; and to miss you so often, and never to find you, is worse than a continual death to me," she wrote.
This poignant narrative of longing and love, separated by distance, is a far cry from the modern portrayal of LDRs as a source of unending misery. It reveals a depth of emotional resilience and adaptability that seems to be missing from our contemporary understanding of relationships. The Astons, like countless others throughout history, found ways to maintain their emotional bonds despite the physical separation. They did not have the luxury of instant communication technologies, yet they managed to create a sense of belonging through the written word.
The Aston family's story also highlights the importance of a shared vision in maintaining a long-distance relationship. Constance played a crucial role in orchestrating the love affair between her brother Herbert and her best friend Katherine Thimelby. Through her letters, she carefully nurtured their romance, despite the physical distance separating them. This shared vision of a future together provided a sense of purpose that helped them navigate the challenges of their long-distance relationship.
In the face of modern narratives that paint LDRs as a source of depression and despair, the story of the Astons serves as a powerful counterpoint. It suggests that the real issue plaguing modern relationships, including LDRs, is not the physical distance, but the lack of a shared vision and a common purpose. It is this absence of a shared narrative that creates the emotional turbulence often associated with LDRs.
Hence, as we contemplate the unspoken reality of long-distance relationships, let us keep the Astons in mind. Their story serves as a reminder that love can endure, even in the face of great distances, if it is anchored by a shared vision and a common purpose.
